8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
