So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
