Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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