North Korea, Best Korea!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
