Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
