I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
