I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
