first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
