Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
