I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
