yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
