Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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