have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
