Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last night I used snow as a chaser
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
