My sheets look like a crime scene.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
