When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
