Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
