don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
