is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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