she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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