why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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