capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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