So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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