I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
