We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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