oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
