My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
