I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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