her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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