Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
