I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
