We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
