I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
