I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
