For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
