New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All I want is dick and wine.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
