He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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