the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
