Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
