ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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