If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
