I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet he comes in French.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
