Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
