Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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