it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
