I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
