Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
