if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
