You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I puked a lego.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
