I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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