Pappa wants mamma naked
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
