dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Alive.
So much puke
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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