im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
