quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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