I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
