He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize