I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
