I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
