I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
