remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
