So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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