There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
