Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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