how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
