What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
