he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You need Xanax blowdarts
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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