My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
