a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
