Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
