It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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