I'm drive I can fine osifer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
