That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
