he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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