I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
