I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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