If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
