I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
