we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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