WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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