I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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