i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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